The struggles of so many teens involve those that are very close to heart. Now, many of you may be thinking, no, pretty sure grades do not tie into the heart. But, wait, hold up: why do you try to achieve the grades you do? Because you want to impress someone? Your parents, you, your teachers? They matter enough to you that you are willing to sacrifice hours of your day to studying. Why do you do certain things and not others? Because they feel good or make others feel good.
A few weeks ago, my whole life was turned upside down, and I could talk to no one about it. Literally, my friends were part of the issue. My parents could honestly care a less about what “petty” issue I was having with my friends, and who else was there to talk to? God. Yes, so I spent most of my time in the chapel or in the library. I would like to say my grades improved, but psssh…I am NOT the smartest person. Needless to say, I got out of the hole I had created with my friends. I would like to say everything is different now, but alas, teenagers are fickle creatures. Yes, parents, I, a teenager myself, have admitted this. But, I am just glad I am on good terms with my friends again.
This really got me thinking. Here I was, pathetic little me, apologizing profusely for something that I did not even do or feel sorry for. Yet, by apologizing even more, I was digging myself into a deeper hole. Then, I realized my emotions should NOT be how I judge my life. There is this great book, Stargirl. She used to have a little wagon with twenty pebbles. Every day she would judge her happiness based on how many pebbles she tossed into this broken red wagon. That is how I feel. My life is based off a little red wagon and some ninety-nine cent pebbles from the dollar store. Why do we do this? I have no idea why we let our emotions get the best of ourselves. I mean, in movies and books, the characters are all valiant and stoic. But here I am for the past week, crying my eyes out every night because my friends were ostracizing me. I am DONE with living by my emotions. If you are with me, let me know. Contact me.
Then there is the whole thing with relationships. It is so easy in elementary school. You sit by the person a lot, the boy tries to kiss you at recess, you realize boys are icky and then it is over almost before it all began. Yep, elementary relationships are so simple. Then middle school comes and a stronger, more violent undertone comes into play. Suddenly boys are taller, they are losing their baby fat, they are more girl-conscious, and so many things are different. My friends progressed much faster than others, and I was often left out on the many “date/boys” discussions. Closest thing I had to a boyfriend were the boys I made up to impress them. Even then, we did not do much. I mean, how much can you get out of a guy you cannot even touch? Then high school comes. Enter the scary jaws music. Boys are taller, with FACIAL hair. They are in their prime: they have strong, athletic bodies. Yet, they are too mature, at times. They want more than we are willing to give sometimes. And other times, they are too shy to give us what we really want. Then there comes the one. The one we feel we love. And then he asks you out. He has a car, cologne, and great hair. And he is yours till you let him go. But with this comes the usual fights over petty things, friends lost over guys, friends lost over unrequited love. The struggle is real, and it never ends.
On top of all of this incredibly fun stuff comes the school work. Many of my friends were born naturally smart. No skill needed: the information right in their head whenever needed. Me? I work to get a B on something the whole class aced. My AP classes? Pssh. Yeah, um, let me just say having the first in your class as one of your guy friends has never really boosted my self-esteem. I have no social life, which is really sad. Last year, I could be out every night of the week and still ace every assessment I had. This year I am lucky to even get one night off from school work. 😦 But, I guess I will be thanking myself in years to come.
The high school life isn’t all that bad, though. My parents pay for everything. I have a car, although I do not have my license yet. I have my own room, which is not saying much because it used to be a loft. I have my own bathroom. I have so many clothes and good make up. I have my own computer and printer. Yet, I do not yet have the freedom to really pick out what I wish to wear (“Go upstairs and change–you look like a french w*ore!”), nor do I really have the freedom to say certain things (“I am not the one being unreasonable or a b*tch!”). Yet, I have it so good. I understand that now that I see my sister struggling yet progressing well to the college life. I have it so easy.
Life is good, but it is not without its tribulations. I pray that y’all are able to identify with anything that I have said. If so, please feel free to contact me. Thanks so much guys and gals! Love your one and only pal–JC Gilly
P.S. I will be praying for each and every one of you. Don’t forget: God is good everyday, and everyday God is good.
My life As Me 